Me and my emotions, plus a new gift for me :D

I've been back from Canada since Monday January 31st, i'm only here for a week or so meaning i'm leaving sometime this coming week (I will die if I leave after this coming weekend). As you all may know my ex and I have a complicated relationship, we aren't dating but we both still love and care a lot about each other. We talked about a lot of things the day before I left and one of the things we talked about was each of us finding someone else once i'm back up there and we both agree that right now it isn't what either of us want and just being with each other is what we want and know makes us happy.

So why am I so depressed and feeling like shit when he told me he went to a night club last night and he's at one right now. I don't agree with going to nightclubs and he knows that, he promised me he wouldn't go unless I said it was ok. Well last night he told me a girl came up next to him and danced with him and afterwards, she gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek and left. That hit me like a ton of bricks even though it was in a friendly way it felt like shit. He's at another nightclub and I have no clue what's going on my mind is running wild with all of these thoughts like what if he's dancing with a girl, what if he's making out with a girl or what if he's at home with a girl having sex with her even though he told me none of those would ever happen because he doesn't want it, it just still really hurts me :(.

It's like when I first got home he was really sweet with me and missing me a lot and now he's gone to being cold he doesn't ever call me stephy, tephy or super T (his nicknames for me), he doesn't ever say he misses me or sends me kisses. It isn't helping with how I feel, it's making me feel like i'm not important or that maybe he doesn't care about me when I know that's not true.

I'm just lost with what is going on with him and I wish he would give me an explanation or something. What I really need right now is reassurance that everything will be ok, but i'm not getting that and I honestly don't know when or if I will get it.

Anyways, I've been looking at apartments and my ex went to go and look at one for me on Thursday which was a really crappy apartment so he's going to go and look at another one for me on monday which is exciting I'm hoping he'll like it and get it for me since I have a job up in Canada now.

Now on to the gift for me i got a new laptop today, it's a Toshiba Satellite A665. I actually needed a new laptop because my last one went kaput and won't work for me lol.